I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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