I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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