I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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