I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
