remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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