I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
