I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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