i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
