I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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