I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
