My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
