I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
