The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize