Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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