I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
