And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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