So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
