u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
