Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
