hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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