You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Small penises have feelings too.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
