New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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