Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
