i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
