WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
