to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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