i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
