Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
