okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
