I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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