i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
