I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
