so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
