I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
