So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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