I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Less talking, more tequila
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
