i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
