I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
