I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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