How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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