I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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