Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
