Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
