There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
