On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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