just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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