I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
