bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
