Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
