I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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