How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
