i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
