New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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