she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
