I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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