So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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