I smell stomach acid.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
