yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
