I'm going to jail i love you
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
