My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
