Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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