Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
