Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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