OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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