Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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